I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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