i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
