Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
