im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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