im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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