I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
