Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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