i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
