Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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