I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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