put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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