I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
