Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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