someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
