took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
