She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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