im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
