Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
