I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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