Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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