Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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