i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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