1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
