GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
