If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
