I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
