I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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