Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
