Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Its about making memories worth repressing
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
