i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
