Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
