you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
