He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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