So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
