He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
