I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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