he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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