just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
