Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
