He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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