Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize