Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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