did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
...so i touched it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
