i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
