thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
