My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
