R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
