sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
