stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
