its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
